Me: Behind the Scenes :)

my triumphant return

hello! man, i haven’t tumbl’d in quite some time. So much has happened. You missed it all!

I started sophomore year. New dorm building, new roommate, new classes, new major and minor…new everything. Yet, it feels like nothing has changed. Kristin and Kyra live right across the hall from Britt and me. WE HAVE A NEW NEIGHBOR AND SHE’S FANTASTIC. Her name is Jess, but I gave her the nickname “Killer”. If you have ever seen her play volleyball, you’d understand why.

I’m so much closer with everyone this year. I have a family out here. It’s nice, yanno? I created a routine that I usually stick to. Classes suck, as usual. Gotta do whatcha gotta do, I guess. Not even lying, my Linguistics professor is hilarious. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I understand what he’s teaching me. Last week, he drew out the Great English Vowel Shift on the board, and it looked like a crappy football play. My mind was nonexistent after that. And then there’s my British Literature and Intro to English Studies professor, Dr. Downes. She’s so incredibly passionate about what she teaches, but she never really knows what to do when one of us doesn’t understand it. Do I look like a scholar? It’s because I’m not. I’m a sophomore in college, so dumb it down a bit for me. KTHX.

All this exciting stuff going on, and I try to distract myself with it. I’m officially the female bro now. I wish I knew how this came to happen, and also why the guys feel the need to call me “Scro” at random times. I’m trying to broaden my horizons without stepping too far out of my comfort zone. I wonder how I’m doing so far…Lately, all I wanna do is write. I wanna write, and sing. Yeah, sing. I wanna sing at the top of my lungs and make every single dog within a 10 mile radius go deaf. I miss my theater group. I miss being myself around people that were exactly like me. It was comforting, I guess. Yet again, I am the one who stands out and is judged and thrown aside as The Crazy One. When I was growing up, I never thought I was crazy. A few moments of sheer insanity, sure, but who doesn’t have those? I thought I was perfectly normal…well, as normal as a 5 foot tall 3rd grader can be…

Sadly, my days lately have been brought down with depressing moods. I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t seem to get happy. I have so many blessings just hovering around me, but I feel like I’m missing something. I just wish I knew what that something was. Does anyone have any idea? At all? If you do, and you could inform me, that would be peachy. I can’t ever show my weakness though. And by weakness, I mean feelings. That’s what I got from my childhood, I suppose…”suck it up, you’re on your own.” No matter how hard I try, I can’t shake that.

I honestly think I’m destined to be a therapist. Or a counselor of some sort. After a good amount of therapy for myself, I somehow can solve everyone else’s problems. I’ve been told that I have this quality about me that just makes me easy to talk to. I like that. I like feeling needed. I like that when people are down in the dumps, they come to me. Now, if only I could just solve my own problems, or take any of my advice, then life would be fab.

To end this long “welcome back” post, I have some great news for…anyone who reads this (and if you do, God Bless Ya): My mommy, good ol’ Marebear, is engaged to be married at the end of May :) Congratulations Mommy! I love you and I can’t wait to start planning with you<3